Falling short

I lay here next to you, listening to your breathing as I watch you sleep. The room slowly brightens as the sun rises, chasing the shadows away. It has been a long night. One spent battling demons, both old and new. I was already set for a rough night, I just didn’t realize how rough it would be.

You think that I had a perfect life, that I had everything. Friends that I enjoyed spending time with, a happy home that I enjoyed returning to. You don’t believe me when I tell you that was all an act. A facade that I maintained because that was what was expected of me. The truth of the matter is that I was miserable. I was without true friends, I wasn’t and am still not a popular person. In short, I was living a lie.

Then, you came along. So wild and free and full of life. You showed me that I didn’t have to live the lie anymore. That there is true happiness out there. You laid the options out without ever realizing the effect they were having on me. You never pushed me, but made sure that I knew it was my choice. You quietly gave me support when I needed it and challenged me to defend my decisions. All in an effort to make me understand that it was my choice and make sure that I was doing it for the right reasons.

Now, I’m out from under that lie. I’m living my life the way that I want to. Now my true self is laid bare and you think that you have destroyed me. You think that you have taken everything away. YOU HAVEN’T!!!!!! All you need to do is look in my eyes, feel my touch, and focus on the now to know that I am truly happy. Don’t look back and compare because to do that is to compare a lie with the truth. Your demons absolutely LOVE when you do that because they use your own standard against you. Actions over words.

There is no way to go back and show you that what you say was me living a lie. All I can do is show you the real me. The one without walls. The one that has a whipsaw of emotions. The one that you released by your love and support. No, it’s not the perfect picture of happiness, but it IS real and I am TRULY happy.

All because you believed in me, as I believe in you. Thank you for showing me the way.

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