Well, this week has been a nightmare. First, we lost water in the house for almost 24 hours. Got turned on 20 min prior to family coming to visit for the first time. Then there was a fire that got within a few feet of the house. It was all over Facebook but no one saw the need to call us. Then a stress filled visit from family that actually turned out better than we thought. Then a death where neither of us could be at the funeral due to work. And added on top was work itself. With summer coming on, as usual, the work load increases, but SERIOUSLY people!!!!!! I have found myself becoming very task oriented lately, which means that my kitten has had to suffer. I don’t do it intentionally. It’s just how I deal when A LOT of stress enters my life. I pick the highest priority and focus on it until it gets resolved then I move on to the next. This doesn’t sound all that bad until you realize that by doing this, I put almost everything to the side. I don’t pay attention to my kitten, I don’t pay attention to protocols, I don’t pay attention to how I address people, hell I often don’t even bother to eat!!!!! All I do is focus on the task at hand. While this is very effective at clearing up the pressing issues, it often causes even bigger issues. In this lifestyle, communication is key. When I don’t even pay attention to eating, communicating goes out the window. This leads to misunderstandings which leads to hurt feelings, which leads to arguments, which leads to more hurt feelings, and back in the circle I go. I can almost hear the circus music playing in the back ground…… Dee dee deetle dee dee de de. FML let me off this fucking merry go round from hell!!!!!!
But now the week is over. We survived. My kitten and I are still in the middle of some stress, but it’s not as much as before. I feel like shit because I can’t be there for my little one and because she can’t be there for the ones that she loves during their time of grief. But at the end of the day, we both have to realize, that to try and be there would have put her in a position where we would either be in the hospital or preparing for another funeral. We may not like it, but we do have to deal with it. As for me, I came to the realization that there is even MORE for me to work on to become the man my little one deserves. I know that there is a metric fuck ton of things I need to work on (and yes, that is a valid form of measurement). But I want her to be as proud of me as I am of her. I had a conversation with a co-worker tonight about some things that my little one has accomplished in a very short time. He said “The fact that she can quickly see these tiny changes is amazing. She sees the world in a way that not many can.” I didn’t realize how far she has come until talking about it tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW how amazing she is, but to have a complete outsider notice and comment on it shows just how far she has come. It gave me a warm fuzzy because now people are starting to take notice. Now they just need to tell her instead of me and things will REALLY start picking up.
But at the end of the day, I’m so very very proud of her and all that she has accomplished. I just need to stop slacking and start fixing some of my own shit….,,